My Asinine Thoughts

I turned 30 last week and the one and only goal I had for my birthday celebration was to get shitfaced drunk. Pardon my French. At first I thought it was appropriate since I felt the need to mourn my twenties, but after a while I figured I’d start a new tradition, just to spice things up a little (and God knows I need it).

So starting this year, I’m going to do something stupid and fun on my birthday, and I started with alcohol. After many many many birthdays of being good and responsible, after many many many years of (relatively) clean living, after decades and decades of refusing to relinquish control, I, M.A.S., got stinking drunk. I got so drunk that I will never remember parts of October 18, 2008 ever again. This is a good thing because according to reliable sources, my face was thiiiiiiiis close - to the toilet bowl, puking my guts out. Not once, not twice, but many many times. They heard me saying that had I known this was going to happen, I would have cloroxed the whole damn toilet! At least I was still thinking of hygiene even if I was inebriated.

It all started with an innocent dinner at Cheesecake Factory where I ate chicken madeira and drank long island iced tea. Then “Operation: Alcohol” kicked into high gear when we went to Santana Row and I drank a generous shot of tequila and a glass of kamikazee in three minutes. Then I had another long island iced tea which I downed in two minutes and not soon after, vodka.

After the vodka, everything became a blur.

I woke up with the biggest headache in the world and the urge to purge every few minutes. Brrrrr! Next year I’ll try something less debilitating. Ganja!

(This will definitely aid my quest to attain “The Dude’s” zen, yeah?)

God I missed Taiwan! That was my first thought as soon as my plane landed. I bought a bus ticket to Hsinchuang, got settled into my seat and looked out of my window for the whole trip. It has been almost 10 months since I left the country and I kept noticing little changes here and there as I was nearing home. One of the things that hasn’t changed though was the location of the restaurant that sells my favorite guo tie (potstickers). When I got to the apartment, I left my bags in my room and headed out for a late lunch. Yum! Yum! Yum! It’s definitely as good as I remember it to be. Later, I washed it all down with ComeBuy’s milk tea with pearls.

I’m back in Taiwan and will be staying here for a few weeks. When I left last year, I decided to pursue other things, and that decision still holds. But that doesn’t mean I can’t come back and reminisce… and eat. So many things in my life are uncertain right now and I’m not really sure what I’ll be doing in the next few months. Staying here for a while would do me some good and I terribly miss my former students… and Taiwanese food. I always go back to food, right?

I keep hoping and praying that my future plans will work out soon since it’s embarrassing to be so lacking in direction now that I’m about to hit 30. I’ve spent the past 29 years doing whatever I pleased (for the most part) and I think it’s high time for me to start making long-term plans. I’ve often buckled against convention and routine and while I feel it has made my life more interesting, it has made it quite difficult at times as well. I suppose I have to learn that change is not always advisable and that I have to accept and be content with the monotony of life.

I read pep.ph everyday waiting for news about KC Concepcion and Richard Gutierrez, and today I found out that they are going to star in a movie together! Aba! Manonood ako nun! Ang sarap tignan ng dalawang sobrang attractive na tao on screen, especially taong galing sa bansa natin. We have a lot of really good-looking actors and actresses but KC has always had something about her that made people interested in whatever she’s doing, si Richard naman eh ang gwapo and interesting din kasi he seems I don’t know… classier somehow compared to the rest of his family. So bagay talaga!

I think one of the last local movies I saw was “Sigaw” on dibidi while I was in Taiwan. Gina borrowed it from a co-teacher and we had no idea what it was about. A few scenes later, all of us were scared shitless especially when Iza Calzado’s character started materializing out of the ceiling over the bed. It kinda made it difficult for us to go to sleep afterwards but thankfully, it passed. Oh! I just remembered I saw “Karma” with Sabrina, Jo and Minerva last year. I seldom watch horror flicks and actually limit it to local films because they do horror a hell of a lot better than other genres.

I generally stay away from scary films because I’m prone to bad dreams. I’ve often thought about going to a fortune-teller to ask why I always have nightmares even when I think about soft, fluffy things before I go to sleep. My nightmares have run the gamut from serial killers, ghosts, monsters, zombies, decapitations, gun violence, religious figures out to suck me into the void, chop-chop body parts, godzilla, scary dinosaurs and some very twisted, sick things I don’t even want to mention here.

The earliest nightmare memory I have is when I was in K1 or K2, so that would make me around 6? My yaya at the time was Nenette and whenever she picked me up from school, we’d pass by a restaurant and I’d ask her to buy me Sarsi. I preferred drinking my Sarsi on the go so they would put the soft drink in a clear plastic bag and put a straw inside. Then one night I had a dream about leaving school, getting picked up by Nenette, stopping by at the restaurant, ordering my Sarsi… but this time when I was handed the soft drink in the plastic bag, I saw a bloody, decapitated head inside instead. Suffice it to say I never asked Nenette to buy me Sarsi after school ever again.

Hmm, I started this post about KC and Richard… and then I’m ending it with one of my nightmares? Is this stream of consciousness writing or just the result of my crooked mind?

I’ve only been in the country for a few days and I’ve already found myself in two separate pride-stomping situations. The first was when I drove to Buendia on my mother’s birthday and was caught by the police because of color coding and the PGH 100 plate on my sister’s car. I’ve been warned by ditsi beforehand that cops might stop me because they believe that PGH plates should be put OVER the regular car plate instead of ON it. The same thing happened to a friend of hers but never to her. She told me to reason out to the cops because it seems to be the modus operandi of Buendia cops to stop cars with PGH plates and extort money from unsuspecting and stupid (me) drivers.

Armed with this warning I still crumbled when 3 cops on motorcycles went after me. First they told me that I violated the color-coding rule and second I violated the PGH Plates rule. The cop who went to the driver’s side furnished a memo dated October 2006 stating some kind of rule about commemorative plates. I’m ashamed to say I spazzed and didn’t look at the memo carefully. I told them that it was my belief that if you have PGH plates color-coding doesn’t apply, even in Makati. They said no. I asked what the use was for PGH plates, they said “nothing.” The second cop asked me for P2,500.00 for my two violations and we haggled until the price went down to P500.00 because I told them I was on my way to Dasma to pick up my mom’s birthday cake and I didn’t have enough money on me (true) to pay P2,500.00.

After everything was done, I told my sister and was given a lecture about fighting for my rights and should have asked for the names of the cops. She wants to see the memo herself and find out what it states exactly to the letter. The ON or OVER the plates rule sounds dodgy to her and she wants to get to the bottom of it. She’s so mad that she’s determined to go to Buendia herself during color-coding and confront the cops there. We’ll see what happens next week.

The second incident happened the other day when I parked near Sta. Cruz church and was approached by an MMDA (at least someone wearing an MMDA shirt). He gave me a ticket and asked for P30.00 which I paid without question because I know parking is never free in Metro Manila. When I got home at the end of the day, I was going through my bag and saw the ticket. I discovered that it was a used one with a different car plate than the car I was using. Shit. Naloko nanaman ako.

I love the Philippines, it’s my first home. While I believe that I won’t live here for good anymore I will keep coming back because my roots are here. It’s just so frustrating that I have to be on my guard all the time and also shameful that after being born and raised here, I’m still not savvy enough to handle situations mentioned above. I have a big mouth, I’m mean and occasionally nasty, I scream a lot… I’m all bark and no bite.

These are the times when I really hate this country. I’m not some kind of balikbayan who would start talking trash about the Philippines because I don’t live here anymore. I hate people like that. You know what I’m talking about. Those pinoys who have got their noses up in the air because they’re not Filipino citizens anymore or they’re now earning in dollars or pounds or euros and have suddenly forgotten where they came from. What I hate is that so many people from different classes in society will screw you every chance they get, and the authority figures you should ask help from would screw you over even more.

More than anything, I hate finding something out about myself that’s a cause for shame. I SHOULD fight for my rights, I SHOULD not give in to pressure, I SHOULD not be afraid to argue when I know I’m right, I SHOULD have more lakas ng loob, I SHOULD bite more than bark. Grrr! Awrrr!

Two Hands by Leon Fleisher $16.98The Complete Far Side 1980-1994 (2 vol set) $73.31

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Collector’s Set $99.99Harajuku Lovers large tote $102.00
3 Feather Pillows $288.00Kindle $399.00

Crème de la Mer 16.5 oz. $1,350.00
Toyota FJ Cruiser (Voodoo Blue) $22,545.00

Too bad I only have 40 dollars left in my wallet right now.

One of my favorite movies ever* is Office Space. It’s a hilarious movie from start to finish. I can really relate (as well as millions of others I’m sure) to the little things in the movie such as changing lanes all the time while driving (I call it the kiti-kiti syndrome) and always ending up with the slowest moving lane, fearing the doorknob because of static, having multiple bosses to answer to, never really perfecting that stupid report, problematic printer and having a stupid sounding name and infuriating surname (e.g. Sy? Kamaganak mo ba si Henry Sy?)

The big things in the movie though are what really gets to me. The protagonist in the movie is Peter, the office worker who has just about had it with his job, his boss, his girlfriend and his life. He feels that ever since he started working, every single day of his life has been worse than the day before it (I’ve almost got the script memorized haha!). All he wants to do is relax, sit on his ass all day and do absolutely nothing. Had I been white and a guy, I could swear that was me I was seeing on TV!

This is a terrible truth to own up to but I will own up to it. If given the chance, I will do nothing and I will be the happiest woman in the world. I’m always fighting with myself to act more unlike myself. There are times when I let things go, like now, and just let my life unfold on its own but time is running out for me and I need to fight with myself soon to get things done. Sigh.

So yeah, I’m the ultimate no-getter. You could lock me up all day, everyday for months in a room that has tv, an internet connection, several magazine subscriptions and books and you won’t hear a peep. I’m not sure if I mentioned this before but last Chinese New Year, I didn’t leave the apartment for a week and only subsisted on Knorr Chicken Sopas because I was too lazy to go out and buy food. I had too many videos to watch and too many books to read. I only stepped out when I ran out of Coke Light.

*I noticed I say this a lot… it’s just that there are so many wonderful movies

I met up with Sabrina, Minerva and Joann the other day for lunch. I was very excited because I haven’t seen them since January and I was really looking forward to seeing how much their kids have grown since I saw them last. (Truthfully, I was more excited about seeing their kids than I was of seeing them hihi!)

I’ve known these women since I was in grade school and it’s simply amazing to see them become such wonderful mothers. I wouldn’t have imagined that life would turn out this way for us, well for them anyway because I still don’t know how my life is going to turn out. When I was eating fishballs with Sab when we were kids - I would never have thought she would turn out to be such a caring, patient and loving mom to her Samantha. When I was hanging out with Jo in school, I couldn’t even imagine her having any kids because she was so tiny, she was like a baby herself. Now she’s supermom to her sweet Jolyn and lovable EJ (future heartthrob). When I was not paying attention in class with Minerva, we would talk about boys and she would obsess over André Agassi and Aga Muhlach. Now she has a beautiful and super-smart daughter, Myles and a son (Bryce) who looks so cute! Walang bola Minervs ha, I know you’re reading this. Your kids are so adorable kaya isa pa please!

While I’m still apprehensive about becoming a mom someday, I’m very happy being an auntie. It’s too bad I wouldn’t be around when Sabrina gives birth next month, but seeing the new baby would be something to look forward to when I come back next year.

Bryce, Joann, EJ, Minerva, Sabrina, Samantha, Me, Myles, Jolyn

Making friends is easy enough, but maintaining meaningful ones isn’t. If you don’t put in enough effort to cultivate and sustain a relationship, it will just - simply put - fall apart.

I have never been one to put in a lot of effort I’m afraid. The friends that I have now are around not because I’ve worked hard but because they have. Recently, I’ve been trying to change and have been making as much effort as I possibly could. No miracles overnight but I am trying.

What frustrates me are people who are around when they need something and practically disappear when they don’t. I may not be the most reliable person in the world but I can honestly say that I’m the type of friend who will be there whether I need something or not. I am quick to anger but I’m no schemer. I can exercise a bit more tact but I always try to mean what I say. I might be mean and cranky but I’d always want the best things to happen to my friends, and if I can help them so much the better!

I’m just a little disappointed about certain people showing their true colors. Should I keep working on it and maybe figure out the problem? Should I just throw in the towel now while I can still keep my temper in check? How long should I wait before giving up?

I just got my e-ticket today. Grabe! Ang mahal! I thought the peso was strengthening against the dollar? How can I ever fulfill my dream of traveling all over the world if ticket prices are so steep? (Get a job for one, loser!)

I should have been more careful with my money when I was in Taiwan so that I could travel around Asia during my Pinas break. Cebu Pacific fares are so cheap! Even if I add the leche fee at immigration, pwede pa rin! I was supposed to visit my best bud Cheryl last August and I bought the ticket already and everything, but forces beyond my control prevented me from going to HK. Bwiset.

Definitely next year when I come back from my vacation (from my Pinas break), I will make sure to put aside enough money for traveling and further studies when I start working na. I would love, love, love to backpack through Asia. All I need is the money and a traveling buddy or two who wouldn’t mind roughing it a bit since it’s going to be an el cheapo trip all the way!

I’m 29 today and I’m depressed as hell. I chose to postpone my birthday celebration tonight because I’m just totally bummed out with life. I asked papa not to buy cake or cook anything because I’m really not in the mood. Since I was feeling down, I decided to go on a diet so that hawa-hawa na. Dieting always depresses me (I do it so often, one would wonder why I’m not stick-thin yet) and since I was feeling depressed anyway, might as well make the most of it.

Bawi na lang next week because I have several cakes in mind that I want to eat. There’s Honey Crunch Cake and Mango Torte from Dasma, Chocolate Mousse from Red Ribbon, Choco Roll and Plain Mocha Birthday Cake from Goldilocks, and the Frozen Brazo that ditsi made me try when I came home a couple of months ago. I couldn’t find Kookie Korner anywhere in Glorietta but I haven’t given up. I’ve also been dreaming about Japanese food for the past few days. I really really want and I’m requesting some of my friends to humor me and eat at a Japanese restaurant when we go out. I can practically taste the Philadelphia Maki with Salmon! Yum!

I finally took the plunge last week and got bangs. As usual, I went to dear old Doris for the haircut because she’s the only one I can trust. I’m really scared of going to hair salons so I try to limit my visits as much as possible. I don’t know what I’d do if Doris quits or decides to go abroad or something. I might have bad hair decades!

I’ve been wanting to get bangs as early as December of last year, but the thought of maintaining it and looking like a fool (see example below)…

…always stopped me. This time though I had great reason to get bangs because of one ZIT that just won’t QUIT!

It’s not just any zit and it’s even worse than a Zombie (zit that keeps coming back from the dead), because now it’s a scar! Alert! Alert!

After using several creams and ointments, buying SKII products and getting expensive derma treatments, it’s still there! The new treatment I’m getting now will take at least 6 months to become effective, if at that, and I can’t just go around with that mark on my stupid face for everyone to see.

So, I consequently embraced the concept of bangs. The concept being it would cover at least a third of my face and thus make me look more attractive than I actually am (plus hide the erring zit/scar). I also have an option of wearing huge shades which would cover my face some more and give me an additional 20% in the attractiveness scale. And while I’m at it, I might purchase a face mask or two to fully optimize my looks. Face masks = major beauty find. You heard it here first.